Author Archives: nozzferrahhtoo

The really, truly True Believer™ of the Month Award March 2011

Child Abuse figured heavily in this month’s polling results for the award.

As usual when it appears the Vatican figured high in the polls. This month’s claim from their Top Exorcist is that the increase in child sex abuse and rape claims is the fault of Satan waging war on the Holy See. The rest of us who are not exorcists think the increase in claims is because raping children is illegal and it is a good thing to report crimes.

The excuse for child molestation being related to Satan was beaten in the polls this month however by this month’s winner. The winner Brent Girouex claimed that having sex with teenage boys was his duty as a Pastor to clear their minds of evil thoughts, which he claimed could be achieved through ejaculation. Why he too was required to orgasm during these sessions, instead of his impure patients, therefore is as yet unexplained.

Conveniently for him it appears such thoughts quickly come back, and repeated…. therapy…. was required…. with numbers like 50 to 100 being mentioned. His victims must have the cleanest souls in America.

One thing is clear from both of these stories however. When people get caught using religion to get laid, they will avoid admitting their perversions and guilt in every way possible, from blaming the invisible actions of Satan, to claiming they were just cleaning their victims souls in the eyes of their personal god.

Posted in Truly True Believer | Leave a comment

The really, truly True Believer™ of the Month Award February 2011

South Dakota has put itself on the map of Truly True winners for Feburary by giving us a tale that sounds like it should be taller than their very own Mount Rushmore.

A bill under construction in the stranger of the States is moving to make preventing harm to a fetus a “justifiable homicide” in many cases.

This move could make it legal to kill doctors performing abortions, though I am unclear myself if they have to be in the process of performing one at the time.

The bill is no coincidence either, as “Justifiable Homicide” has been the defense used by many attempting, or even succeeding, in murdering doctors who provide the service. The religiously motivated really do know how to equivocate over the difference between “Thous shalt not kill” and “Thou shalt not murder”.

Posted in Truly True Believer | Leave a comment

Bringing the Scientific Method to Magic Crackers

I have long heard claims being made, specifically in the Catholic faith, that during certain ceremonies, when certain propitiations are made, that normal Cracker Bread is changed “literally” into the body of a long dead Jewish Human Male who displayed later Zombie tendencies to refuse to stay in the grave.

There are those of course that claim that the transformation is symbolic not literal, which I have not concerned myself with here as they are essentially saying nothing. I limit my inquiry only to those who claim a literal transformation.

I decide some time ago therefore to investigate over a 2 year period these claims. Since the results of this have been sitting on a shelf for some time I thought it useful to disseminate a short summary of my tests and summary of my results to the internet. The hope is that further testing can be suggested that I might have missed and which I can now take up the mantel again and continue to engage in.

Experimental setup:

As a setup I obtained “normal” and “consecrated” hosts in sufficient numbers and continued to do so over the 2 year period to make sure that I was working with both “fresh” and “dormant” samples. Both are surprisingly easy to obtain as those that have them seem keen to be rid of them.

As the transformation was meant to be into something resembling human flesh I, where possible, also used volunteer skin samples in my tests.

Blind experimentation:

To remove and risk of bias in the experiments I performed ALL experiments in the following fashion. I used 4 cracker samples in all cases.

Sample A: Chosen randomly by me from the “normal” pile.
Sample B: Chosen randomly by me from the “consecrated” pile.
Sample C: Chosen randomly by a third party from either pile without informing me which it was from.
Sample D: Chosen randomly by a third party from the other pile without informing me which it was from.
Sample E: Collection of random skin samples from human volunteers, myself included.

The order of the samples was then hidden and mixed from me by another separate party so that until the results were in I would not know if the results connected to samples A, B, C or D.

Sample summary of Experiments performed:

The samples were then subjected to many tests of which this is a random but not exhaustive sample list:

1 ) Burning tests, testing energy released in burning, burning time, change in mass of sample between before and after burning, color of flame (light wavelengths measured).
2 ) Chemical testing: Disolving in various chemicals and measuring energy releases, mass changes, chemical composition of diluted samples.
3 ) Degradation testing: Observing the differences in samples left to their own devices to measure differences in chemical breakdown due to food “going off” etc.
4 ) Luck testing: Engaged in various tests of luck in the presence of, or following the consumption of Samples from each group. Dice Games. Lottery Ticket use. Guessing Games and much more.
5 ) Emotional testing: Gauged personal subjective impression of mood changes in a group of volunteer subjects in the presence of, or following the consumption of, Samples from each group over 24 hour periods.
6 ) Priest testing: Proffered Samples to a selection of priests who were unable to identify which crackers were “normal” and which were “consecrated”.
7 ) Float testing: Tested the floating properties of each Sample.
8 ) Mass testing: Tested for differences in mass, density and other physical properties between samples, including aerodynamic abilities and resistance to physical stress such as piercing with nails (rusty and normal), tearing, toasting, hammering, bending, stamping and more. It has been suggested to me independently a number of times… seriously by those of a theistical bent, and jokingly by those who are not… that I rename this section the “Torture Testing”.

Summary of Results:

There was in ALL tests absolutely NO difference between the samples at any stage except for minute expected differences in mass between all samples (even internally among each sample group) which are within expected tolerances for normal human food manufacturing variances.

There was in ALL tests NO significant overlap of comparative results between any crackers and any human skin samples.

Conclusion:

There is no basis at this time apparent to support any claims that there is any form of “literal” transformation in the “consecrated” samples.

Further Study:

I still posses a number of samples of each time and am more than happy to engage in further testing should anyone manage to submit a test idea that I have not yet engaged in.

Posted in Atheism, Blasphemy, Catholicism, Religion, Science | 23 Comments

The really, truly True Believer™ of the Month Award January 2011

With twice as many votes as any other nomination this months prize goes to Archpriest Vsevolod Chaplin, the head of the Orthodox Church’s department for relations between the church and society for the gem of wisdom that “If she (a woman) is wearing a miniskirt, it is provocative, if she is drunk at the same time then she is even more provocative, and if she herself is actively seeking contact with people and is then surprised when that contact ends in rape she is wrong.”

Well Vsevolod… YOU might think that seeing a woman in a mini skirt naturally leads you to want to rape her, but thankfully the rest of us in society, in the real world that your department was built to pretend to communicate with, know that the fault of such crimes lies with the rapist.

But fear not my uncontrollable libido containing friend, you are not alone. It was not that long ago that Donal McKeown in Knock told us that … adults get drunk…. kids get drunk…. and kids can not control themselves while drunk…. so adults MUST be abusing them saying, “The actions of intoxicated adults and some young people’s own inability to have control of themselves would imply that many children are being physically, emotionally and sexually abused across this country on a daily basis — and especially at weekends.”

Trust a catholic Bishop to think that if a child is vulnerable, then SOMEONE has got to be abusing it. That is, after all, what vulnerable children are for right “Father”?

I wonder if we put these two deviants together will they start releasing statements about children in miniskirts, and what an irresistible combined delicacy they offer to the discerning pederast predator in a white collar.

Posted in Truly True Believer | Leave a comment

The Grand really, truly True Believer™ Awards 2010

With 2010 dead and gone to a better place it is time to turn out attention to handing out the big awards of the year. The Truly True Annuals.

Coming in second place in the popularity polls from the year, and thus winning the annual IRISH TRULY TRUE BELIEVER OF THE YEAR 2010 award is of course our very own Conor Lenihan.

Conor shot to Atheist Ireland fame winning the September Award by being Ireland’s first (and hopefully last) Anti-Science Science Minister.

With the DUP up north knocking on the doors of schools and museums trying to sell creationism… it is comforting to know that our own publicly elected officials spent 2010 abusing their position and working to undermine the very institution they are minister of.

In true Irish fashion however, Lenihan explained away his canard with a wave of a hand and a claim that he was only doing a favour for a mate.

The Overall TRULY TRUE BELEIVER OF THE YEAR 2010 award however goes to the Vatican stance on Child Abuse which they used to win the monthly award in July of 2010 before rushing out a claim that this is not really what they meant even though it was.

We therefore look forward to them announcing that they have won our award this year, before quickly announcing that they did not really mean “won” but meant something else that actually does mean “won”. Someone has to keep their press department the “Ministry of Truth” in jobs.

Posted in Truly True Believer | Leave a comment

The really, truly True Believer™ of the Month Award December 2010

A tie between comical Homosexual and Christian issues has given this Months Believer award what can only be described cumulatively as a “Gay Christmas” feeling.

The Christmas theme comes to us this year from Vendsyssel, Jutland where a Pastor so offended by Christmas elves saw fit to symbolically execute one by hanging a stuffed version and posting a Night Guard around it to prevent its rescue. Devious Danish Town Dwellers bypassed the night security in the most ingenious of fashions… by quietly liberating the elf in broad day light.

The Gay was put back in Christmas however by our second joint winner. Homophobe and in my view possible closet Homosexual Virginia Politician Eugene Delgaudio feels that pat downs in airport security are part of the “homosexual agenda” and that next time you are patted down it may be by a gay man “Getting pleasure from your submission.”. Eugene, if the merest touch of another man makes you think of gay encounters and submissive gay sex then I think you would do well to contemplate long and hard on your own sexuality.

Posted in Truly True Believer | 2 Comments

The really, truly True Believer™ of the Month Award November 2010

This month‘s winner is another home grown credulous memeoid.

Easily brushing off competition from Pakistan’s prosecutions of Blasphemy and Muslim Cynophobia leading parents to obtain a “seeing eye horse” rather than a “seeing eye dog” our very own Minister for Social Protection raced to a victory with 42% of the votes.

Our beloved Minister saw fit this month to suggest that what the economy needs is prayer, petitioning whatever god you believe in to cause things to improve.

Given that people in Ireland have been praying for as far back as we can remember, one wonders if Eamon O’Cuiv might not have been better off suggesting that we should STOP praying for the economy and maybe thereby no longer attract the attention of the pitiless god who presumably put our economy in the condition it is in in the first place.

It has been shown already that people being prayed for feel the pressure of peoples expectations and in fact end up doing worse than any control group.

Given that prayer is a predictor of worse results therefore, it is rather irresponsible of the Minister to call for prayer for an already suffering economy.

Posted in Truly True Believer | 5 Comments

The really, truly True Believer™ of the Month Award October 2010

Father Dougal Mcguire can rest easy this month as the rise of the Anti-Santa in Germany failed to attract a single vote in the polls, while Christian attempts to take over Halloween barely made it to second place despite the core of their faith being based on an un-dead Jewish Zombie.

This month’s award goes instead to Sheikh Maulana Abu Sayeed, president of the Islamic Sharia Council in Britain, who raced to the top of the polls with 53% of this months voting.

His contribution to the wealth of knowledge in society was to inform us all that men who rape their wives should not be prosecuted because “Sex is a part of Marriage”.

In a country like Britain that made rape within marriage illegal in 1991 somehow it still remains unclear to Muslims there why Sharia is not the preferred replacement for current law.

No we like that women can choose what to do with their own body and the rules of a religion where raping wives is ok, or the founders carnal knowledge of girls of single digit ages, are simply not an attractive alternative. Women have a right to choose, both in and out of marriage, and thankfully the Sheikhs have not succeeded in their attempt to violate that yet.

Posted in Truly True Believer | 6 Comments

The really, truly True Believer™ of the Month Award September 2010

Conor Lenihan surprised no one by winning this month’s award. An Anti-Science Science Minister would be anyone’s favourite to get past the post and win any award of this nature. It reminds us that although an award such as this is all a bit of fun, there are some serious sides to it as well.
Read More »

Posted in Truly True Believer | 2 Comments

The really, truly True Believer™ of the Month Award August 2010

This month with half the votes a clear winner shot ahead in the polls.

Little interest was shown for the NHS wasting money on hiring Buddisht monks to give staff “Happiness Courses”. They may even now be scheduling additional courses to cope with not winning this months award.

A mere second place was given to Austrian bishop Andreas Laun for suggesting that the “Love Parade” disaster was a punishment from God for the sins of it’s participants.

The winner this month however is another case of some of the religious amongst us targeting something else that children keep in their trousers. This time… their phones.

Reminiscent perhaps of how Santa Claus leaves notes for Children at Christmas, while eating and drinking the offerings lovingly left out by his believers… leaving half chewed scraps as evidence the next morning…. God has been phoning children  at St. Nicholas of Myra vacation bible school in North Dighton, Massachusetts.

One wonders if this would not be more awe inspiring if God did not have to communicate with the Matrix through phones like “The One” in the film. A voice manifesting itself from an area of thin air in the centre of the room might have been beyond the budget of the volunteers who saw fit to spend their money on a “Science Station” based on showing children how to draw circles.

God’s time however is limited and not everyone in the world will be receiving his phone calls and burning bushes are too passé. For this reason God saw fit to use his phone call to recruit children to preach in his name. “He told me to fish for people,” 8-year-old Noelle Nunes said, “and tell everyone about him.”

Posted in Truly True Believer | 11 Comments