Category Archives: Truly True Believer

The really, truly True Believer™ of the Month Award February 2011

South Dakota has put itself on the map of Truly True winners for Feburary by giving us a tale that sounds like it should be taller than their very own Mount Rushmore.

A bill under construction in the stranger of the States is moving to make preventing harm to a fetus a “justifiable homicide” in many cases.

This move could make it legal to kill doctors performing abortions, though I am unclear myself if they have to be in the process of performing one at the time.

The bill is no coincidence either, as “Justifiable Homicide” has been the defense used by many attempting, or even succeeding, in murdering doctors who provide the service. The religiously motivated really do know how to equivocate over the difference between “Thous shalt not kill” and “Thou shalt not murder”.

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The really, truly True Believer™ of the Month Award January 2011

With twice as many votes as any other nomination this months prize goes to Archpriest Vsevolod Chaplin, the head of the Orthodox Church’s department for relations between the church and society for the gem of wisdom that “If she (a woman) is wearing a miniskirt, it is provocative, if she is drunk at the same time then she is even more provocative, and if she herself is actively seeking contact with people and is then surprised when that contact ends in rape she is wrong.”

Well Vsevolod… YOU might think that seeing a woman in a mini skirt naturally leads you to want to rape her, but thankfully the rest of us in society, in the real world that your department was built to pretend to communicate with, know that the fault of such crimes lies with the rapist.

But fear not my uncontrollable libido containing friend, you are not alone. It was not that long ago that Donal McKeown in Knock told us that … adults get drunk…. kids get drunk…. and kids can not control themselves while drunk…. so adults MUST be abusing them saying, “The actions of intoxicated adults and some young people’s own inability to have control of themselves would imply that many children are being physically, emotionally and sexually abused across this country on a daily basis — and especially at weekends.”

Trust a catholic Bishop to think that if a child is vulnerable, then SOMEONE has got to be abusing it. That is, after all, what vulnerable children are for right “Father”?

I wonder if we put these two deviants together will they start releasing statements about children in miniskirts, and what an irresistible combined delicacy they offer to the discerning pederast predator in a white collar.

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The Grand really, truly True Believer™ Awards 2010

With 2010 dead and gone to a better place it is time to turn out attention to handing out the big awards of the year. The Truly True Annuals.

Coming in second place in the popularity polls from the year, and thus winning the annual IRISH TRULY TRUE BELIEVER OF THE YEAR 2010 award is of course our very own Conor Lenihan.

Conor shot to Atheist Ireland fame winning the September Award by being Ireland’s first (and hopefully last) Anti-Science Science Minister.

With the DUP up north knocking on the doors of schools and museums trying to sell creationism… it is comforting to know that our own publicly elected officials spent 2010 abusing their position and working to undermine the very institution they are minister of.

In true Irish fashion however, Lenihan explained away his canard with a wave of a hand and a claim that he was only doing a favour for a mate.

The Overall TRULY TRUE BELEIVER OF THE YEAR 2010 award however goes to the Vatican stance on Child Abuse which they used to win the monthly award in July of 2010 before rushing out a claim that this is not really what they meant even though it was.

We therefore look forward to them announcing that they have won our award this year, before quickly announcing that they did not really mean “won” but meant something else that actually does mean “won”. Someone has to keep their press department the “Ministry of Truth” in jobs.

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The really, truly True Believer™ of the Month Award December 2010

A tie between comical Homosexual and Christian issues has given this Months Believer award what can only be described cumulatively as a “Gay Christmas” feeling.

The Christmas theme comes to us this year from Vendsyssel, Jutland where a Pastor so offended by Christmas elves saw fit to symbolically execute one by hanging a stuffed version and posting a Night Guard around it to prevent its rescue. Devious Danish Town Dwellers bypassed the night security in the most ingenious of fashions… by quietly liberating the elf in broad day light.

The Gay was put back in Christmas however by our second joint winner. Homophobe and in my view possible closet Homosexual Virginia Politician Eugene Delgaudio feels that pat downs in airport security are part of the “homosexual agenda” and that next time you are patted down it may be by a gay man “Getting pleasure from your submission.”. Eugene, if the merest touch of another man makes you think of gay encounters and submissive gay sex then I think you would do well to contemplate long and hard on your own sexuality.

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The really, truly True Believer™ of the Month Award November 2010

This month‘s winner is another home grown credulous memeoid.

Easily brushing off competition from Pakistan’s prosecutions of Blasphemy and Muslim Cynophobia leading parents to obtain a “seeing eye horse” rather than a “seeing eye dog” our very own Minister for Social Protection raced to a victory with 42% of the votes.

Our beloved Minister saw fit this month to suggest that what the economy needs is prayer, petitioning whatever god you believe in to cause things to improve.

Given that people in Ireland have been praying for as far back as we can remember, one wonders if Eamon O’Cuiv might not have been better off suggesting that we should STOP praying for the economy and maybe thereby no longer attract the attention of the pitiless god who presumably put our economy in the condition it is in in the first place.

It has been shown already that people being prayed for feel the pressure of peoples expectations and in fact end up doing worse than any control group.

Given that prayer is a predictor of worse results therefore, it is rather irresponsible of the Minister to call for prayer for an already suffering economy.

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The really, truly True Believer™ of the Month Award October 2010

Father Dougal Mcguire can rest easy this month as the rise of the Anti-Santa in Germany failed to attract a single vote in the polls, while Christian attempts to take over Halloween barely made it to second place despite the core of their faith being based on an un-dead Jewish Zombie.

This month’s award goes instead to Sheikh Maulana Abu Sayeed, president of the Islamic Sharia Council in Britain, who raced to the top of the polls with 53% of this months voting.

His contribution to the wealth of knowledge in society was to inform us all that men who rape their wives should not be prosecuted because “Sex is a part of Marriage”.

In a country like Britain that made rape within marriage illegal in 1991 somehow it still remains unclear to Muslims there why Sharia is not the preferred replacement for current law.

No we like that women can choose what to do with their own body and the rules of a religion where raping wives is ok, or the founders carnal knowledge of girls of single digit ages, are simply not an attractive alternative. Women have a right to choose, both in and out of marriage, and thankfully the Sheikhs have not succeeded in their attempt to violate that yet.

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The really, truly True Believer™ of the Month Award September 2010

Conor Lenihan surprised no one by winning this month’s award. An Anti-Science Science Minister would be anyone’s favourite to get past the post and win any award of this nature. It reminds us that although an award such as this is all a bit of fun, there are some serious sides to it as well.
Read More »

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The really, truly True Believer™ of the Month Award August 2010

This month with half the votes a clear winner shot ahead in the polls.

Little interest was shown for the NHS wasting money on hiring Buddisht monks to give staff “Happiness Courses”. They may even now be scheduling additional courses to cope with not winning this months award.

A mere second place was given to Austrian bishop Andreas Laun for suggesting that the “Love Parade” disaster was a punishment from God for the sins of it’s participants.

The winner this month however is another case of some of the religious amongst us targeting something else that children keep in their trousers. This time… their phones.

Reminiscent perhaps of how Santa Claus leaves notes for Children at Christmas, while eating and drinking the offerings lovingly left out by his believers… leaving half chewed scraps as evidence the next morning…. God has been phoning children  at St. Nicholas of Myra vacation bible school in North Dighton, Massachusetts.

One wonders if this would not be more awe inspiring if God did not have to communicate with the Matrix through phones like “The One” in the film. A voice manifesting itself from an area of thin air in the centre of the room might have been beyond the budget of the volunteers who saw fit to spend their money on a “Science Station” based on showing children how to draw circles.

God’s time however is limited and not everyone in the world will be receiving his phone calls and burning bushes are too passé. For this reason God saw fit to use his phone call to recruit children to preach in his name. “He told me to fish for people,” 8-year-old Noelle Nunes said, “and tell everyone about him.”

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The really, truly True Believer™ of the Month Award July 2010

Like the opening award in June, July has not disappointed for some strange nominations for this competition and the results were closely contested until at the end a clear winner broke ranks and raced ahead.

Joint third place we award this month to many of the members of Atheist Ireland. Yes it is the Irish Tax payer! This month the tax payers of Ireland forked out to have a small piece of a corpse assigned a Police Escort as it toured Ireland on holiday. Well done everyone. I hope you all get on to your local TD to let him know how grateful you are that your money was allocated in such a way without your consent.

“The relic was taken under Garda escort to Killucan yesterday where it will remain until Thursday next. Then it will be brought to Dublin’s Mater hospital.“ Presumably where it will be pronounced Dead On Arrival???

Second place this month however goes to the court who convicted a man of rape in an incident that the Court itself described as “consensual sex”. In an event that can only be described as “rape by deception” the man was convicted of rape for enticing a woman into bed by the worlds best chat up line of “My name is Daniel”. Slick.

Delivery man Sabbar Kashur has now put men all over the world in a state of abject terror as they realise that this is a precedent for having all deception considered rape. Whether you have pretended to be single when you were not, neglected to mention to the nice catholic girl you are actually an atheist, or you have been known to stuff some socks into your pants to fill out your manhood… you are now a criminal on the run.

All of which brings us to this months winner with over 30% of the votes this month…

The Vatican and it’s horrific media faux pa this month of equating Child Abuse with the Ordination of women in it’s top list of crimes.

Worse than that it appears to us that they in fact think the ordination of women even worse than the systematic torture, rape and intimidation of children, resulting in womens groups and catholic groups speaking out against the documents.

Well done to all at the Vatican for this months award. We look forward to seeing your entry for August. for which nominations are now open

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The really, truly True Believer™ of the Month Award June 2010

We at Atheist Ireland thought the first True Believer competition would be wanting for nominations on such short notice, but we were not let down.

Among the forerunners for this month’s prize was Dr Vincent Twomey SVD, Professor Emeritus of Moral Theology in our country’s beloved Maynooth who wrote to the Irish Times this month to express his feeling that the civil rights bill “effectively deprives all citizens of their right of conscientious objection”

Vince feels that “People such as registrars, photographers” are forced to perform acts… such as Compulsory photography I guess… of the happy couple, that they may be morally objected to. Much like the judge in the Mildred Loving trial thought that the mixing of the races was an abomination.

That two hearts in this world could find love, only to have that love indicted because those hearts pump blood to the wrong skin type or sexual organs is only something those of True Believing can accomplish.

I wonder if the people who photographed the first inter racial couple felt they were denied “right of conscientious objection”??

But the prize this month goes to…. *drum roll*… the Islamic clerics in Iran who had enough faith in their own sexuality to honestly believe that the sexual attraction to manmade materials could become a pandemic in the population at large.

Normally we write about dummies, but this story defaults to dummies themselves.

Having realised how attracted they were to mannequins the clerics moved that such sexual deviancy needed to be stamped out immediately. Rather than recognise their own urges for decoration defloration as being the problem, they decided to protect the population at large by reducing the attractiveness of the plastic paradise with the hacking off of their breasts in their usual methodology of cutting off the sexual organs of anything that find themselves overly attracted to.

It takes belief of the strongest kind to think that sexual attraction of a man to a mannequin is a problem of god’s plan or the female form, and not the deviants who cannot control it.

However if we want to reduce the level of pain in the world, at least humping plastic is better than marrying the local 6 year old. It’s a step forward guys, well done… and I guess since boobquake did not happen, we owe you our lives.

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