I don't support any
teams. Nil, nada, niente...
(for the sake of all those whose brows have just wrinkled in confusion...)
When I was 7 all the dad's on the street decided to set up a football team for the kids. We had a player from Shamrock Rovers on the road so he became our coach.
The very first training session was on a Saturday afternoon at the same time that the original Batman film (the one with Adam West hanging off a helicopter with a rubber shark chewing on his leg) was showing on BBC1. It was 1977, we'd just got our first colour telly and I was not impressed to be missing it. (Strike one against football)
I'm right handed, and left footed. The coach wouldn't let me use my left foot because he thought that was just plain wrong. So I was shit at playing and ended up spending many wet Sundays as a substitute hanging round in fields watching a game I was quickly growing to despise. (Strike two...)
On Saturday evenings I'd have to listen to about half an hour of the most boring commentator on Earth saying things like:
Leeds United 1 (...pause...) West Bromwich Albion nil
Queens Park Rangers 3 (...pause...) Scunthorpe United 2http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YWY2Bs2VYJs
(This is how it really was! from: Not The Nine O'Clock News)
In the days before fancy things like graphics, music or multi-toned commentators it was like listening to a roll call of the dead. And I had to sit through it all so that I could bag the telly for the Pink Panther show afterwards. (Strike Three..!)
But don't get me wrong, I don't dislike football. That's too soft a word. Make no mistake: I hate it!
(I would have put that in bold type, but I don't want to rile people too much...