dont want to baptise my child

Issues relating to promoting a secular state education and raising children in a non-religious home
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dont want to baptise my child

Post by tatedmono » Thu Mar 25, 2010 9:55 pm

hi guys,
dont really where to turn to on this issue.
my little one is 6 months old. I am from France, living in Ireland for 6 years, married to a lovely carlow man (!). since my boy was born, my in law and family r pushing me to baptise him.
problem is, even if i have been baptised (did not have a choice really, was a bb!!), i do not want my child to be baptised. I would like to leave him the choice later. i dont want to impose on my child to be catholic.
and to be honest, with all the "stories" about the church in ireland and around the world at the moment, i dont want my son to be part of it!!!!
the issue is, how will that impact on him for his future?? how will he get to a school if hes not baptised??? :idea:
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Re: dont want to baptise my child

Post by artyfarty » Thu Mar 25, 2010 11:00 pm

Hi I'm from the Carlow area also. I've a 7 year old and a 2 year old neither of which have been baptised and I've never had any problems getting my oldest into the local schools, there are far more non-catholics than you might think in school today. We though we would have some problems but it was a non-issue. Both my wife and I were happy not to have our kids baptised, our parents were not too happy about it (still aren't). I guess what I'm saying is once you and your other half can both agree not to baptise the child then its no business of either set of parents.

If you think I'm being a bit harse on them or disrespectful I'm not, but I have learnt that strict rules of non-interference in how we run our lives has helped keep our relationships with our parents on good terms even when they don't agree. I'm sure if the tables were turned and someone interfered with the way they had brought up their children they would not have been too happy.

FYI Carlow town has an Educate together school but with one car that is a bit too much hassle for us to send him, the next few years when his classmates start communion preparations should be interesting :?
A little boy prayed for a bike. Then he realised God doesn't work that way so he stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

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Re: dont want to baptise my child

Post by mkaobrih » Fri Mar 26, 2010 1:16 am

My kid's are not baptised either (My folks gave me real dirty looks after I and my husband told them to butt out) - Don't be forced into doing it. Maybe the in-laws want a big party get together to celebrate the new addition (congratulations) - Would some sort of naming ceremony fob them off? Ireland is changing and by the time your child is in school hopefully things will be more different to the 70’s & 80’s.
The church complains of persecution when it's not allowed to persecute.
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Re: dont want to baptise my child

Post by bipedalhumanoid » Tue Mar 30, 2010 2:42 pm

With regards to in-laws I think it is important to put your foot down early and make it clear you don't support their religion. It is your child afterall.

If they pile the pressure on you indirectly via your husband, push back just as hard... may I suggest insisting that you're an all or nothing kind of person and taking up religion will come with a vow of celibacy =D
"The fact of your own existence is the most astonishing fact you will ever have to face. Don’t you ever get used to it." - Richard Dawkins... being shrill and offensive again I suppose.
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Re: dont want to baptise my child

Post by Gadfly » Wed Mar 31, 2010 11:12 am


Stick by your principles and say no!

Well done in at least giving the matter consideration.

I regret getting my own kids (now adults), baptised. But I was ignorant back then and didn't know any better.

This is how the RCC has the power it has, by getting to the kids before they can even walk or talk.

When my own children decide to have family themselves, I'm going to advise them strongly not to have them branded.

I wish you the best of luck. :)
"I do not believe in any religion. I will have nothing to do with immortality. We are miserable enough in this life without speculating upon another." Lord Byron.
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Re: dont want to baptise my child

Post by HylandPaddy » Wed Mar 31, 2010 11:21 am

bipedalhumanoid wrote:may I suggest insisting that you're an all or nothing kind of person and taking up religion will come with a vow of celibacy =D
I thought the taking hostage of sex was banned by the Geneva Convention.

The best thing to do is insist that you'll baptise your child if your mother-in-law will always wear a veil in public and your father-in-law gets circumcised.
For me, it is far better to grasp the Universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring.
-Carl Sagan
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Re: dont want to baptise my child

Post by smellyoldgit » Wed Mar 31, 2010 11:46 am

If any poor kid is dragged unwillingly or unknowingly into some strange medieval cult, he can always pull out once he's grown a few more brain cells!
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Re: dont want to baptise my child

Post by Ciaran » Wed Mar 31, 2010 12:55 pm

There haven't been many cases of kids being refused enrty into national schools (I assume tax payer funded muslim schools are a different story, though I'mopen to correction). The problem is more the fact that it can happen or that once in the school the school has the right to indoctrinate or in some sense blackball the child. I don't envy you your situation with the in-laws but not having your kids baptised shouldn't have implications in getting them into school unless it is vastly over subscribed.

If you want out of the church altogether try this site that offers a quick and simple way to get your name off their books.
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Re: dont want to baptise my child

Post by koko » Thu Apr 01, 2010 11:31 pm

Don't worry your child will get to go to school without being baptized ,
I also have not got my son baptized & have been through the arguments with In-laws & busy bodies .
In this country it is a little bit harder path to follow , I know lots of people who dont believe but
get their children baptized just so they don't stand out from the crowd.
Most later regret having got their child baptized to suit others
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Re: dont want to baptise my child

Post by Marks » Sat Apr 03, 2010 10:30 am

Where I live there is a shortage of school places so people I know and members of my family who have never seen the inside of a church in years baptised their children in order that they had access to education. But that’s not the whole story.

We do not always hear in the media about children that have been refused access because they are not Catholic. What these parents do is try another school even a school out of the immediate area. I have been informed that some schools even have a list of telephone numbers and schools on the bus route to help parents that have been refused access find a school place for their child. Of course that does not mean that another school will be a multi-denominational school. It probably is just another Catholic school but in a different area. In the last year or so the situation has eased because Educate Together has opened some schools in the area.

Of course there is the whole social aspect of this as well. Children that live near each other play together and are friends attend different schools because of religion. As Educate Together schools are multi-denominational they cater for immigrants who are not necessarily Catholic. They are Christian but have not got the Catholic Baptismal Certificate that is needed to gain access to Catholic schools. There are a lot of Polish immigrants in the area who are Catholic so they have first access to the Catholic schools along with the Catholic majority in the area.

On top of that to my astonishment I heard people stating that they would not send their children to the local Educate Together schools because they are getting a reputation of being slow. Some of the children have not got English as a first language and need extra support and this is they say slows down the whole class. Therefore the word on the ground is that your child gets a better education in a Catholic School. As well as this nearly all Educate Together schools cater for children with special needs which is part of their ethos. Anyone that has a child with special needs will understand that schools do not state that they do not cater for children with special needs but when you ask them what facilities they have one finds out very quickly that they have nothing in place that would enable your child attend that school.

So to pull this all together this is the kind of society we are building for ourselves in my area.
On the one hand we have the children of immigrants who are not Catholic and mostly coloured, children with special needs and the non-religious all attending the Educate Together schools. On the other hand we have the local Catholic majority and immigrants who are Catholic and the non-religious pretending to be Catholic all attending Catholic Schools.
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