Atheist Ireland Forum

I think i posted a while back writing about worrying about a non RC child getting into school. At the moment that is something i am not worried about as i know that a place will be found in a school if not the one at the top of the rosd i dont mind driving everyday. Anyway my problem is now i have a 4 week old and my boyfriends family are expecting a RC Christening. If i say no i will upset his whole family. I just dont know what to do , i feel like running home to england. I know its only one day and will keep all his family happy but i feel inside i will let myself down. Since losing my mum i have no belief in god and have no respect for the RC church in Ireland. what shall i do?? anyone been in my shoes??? boyfriend wont let family, just is hoping it will go away. They are lovely people but wont understand. I have been worring about this for months now, it has to end!!!!

Stand your ground. Ask them to respect that your beliefs are different to theirs. They'll get over it. If you give in, you'll spend the rest of your life fighting similar battles.

Flower,

Your message moved me to write. I can hear and feel your stress. You poor thing! I am no expert, but I've being undergoing pain of a marriage separation recently, and one thing I have learned is to 'slow down'. Take stock. Take care of yourself. Your baby is only 4 weeks old, you have plenty of time. Talk with your partner, and remember, it is up to you two and no-one else, what you do. People will try to manipulate, but you will never please everyone, so please yourself first. There are non-religious baby naming options out there. But take your time and do not rush into anything you'll regret.

Others here will give good advice and helpful thoughts and ideas.

I agree with Bubblewrap. Take your time. Talk to your boyfriend. Get him to talk to his family. An alternative baby naming ceremony followed by a party may well be a happy compromise if you talk it through. I'm no expert, but I think nowadays not many go to the actual ceremony for a baptism. So you could arrange a spearate small naming ceremony and later have a party for wider friends and family. People can be funny about these things. His family may be as worried about what others might think than the child actually getting baptised. The ceremony and subsequent party might be a reasonable compromise.

None of my children was baptised and one grandparent expressed concern over them not being baptised. We explained that we don't believe in it so they wouldn't be baptised. The subject was then dropped. We didn't even bother with naming ceremonies.

Tell your boyfriend to tells his family that 'limbo' no longer exists! It went the way of monetary indulgences.

Do you believe that your child is evil and has a sin marked down in a book by some nasty old man in the sky?
Do you think that getting a priest to splash your infant with magic water will wipe out the badness that he says belongs to your child?
If you don't, stand up for yourself and your child and tell them all to shag off with their fairytales.
It is always better to stand up for your beliefs - if you don't these relatives will be back with more demands.

Remember that you cannot leave the RC. Ones babtised that is it. Tell them you let him/her decide when she/he becomes 18.

I don't believe in doing things to keep people happy. They better get used to it straight away otherwise there will be no end to demands. Next thing she/he is taken to church at christmass and easter etc.

Not to mention 1st Communion and Confirmation !!

++1

Hi everyone, Well i have been in touch with the Unitarian church, they can do a baptism, a welcome to the world, not into any religion. Water is used but not to wash away sin, its used as a symbol of life. They believe as i do children should make up thier own mind when older what religion if any....
I can have non religious readings or poems. My boyfriend want some religious to keep family happy. I think this is fare enough.
Still a big worry is that my daughter will resent me later on when she is a school and feels left out at communion but hopefully as a adult she will understand why i made this desion.
Not sure when the ceremony will be yet but will write again about it...... see if in laws go crazy or not, i wonder the conclusion????????

Sorry to hear you give in to the nonsense.

GIVE IN TO NONSENSE? Did you read my email proper? We are have a welcome to the world ceremony not into the Catholic church or to any other religion. I dont think its very fair of you to make a comment like that . I dont have to pretend that i believe in God to do a welcome to the world ceremony.

Nonsense, like I said.

I am not joining or christening my child into the Unitarian church its just a welcome to the world or naming ceremony. I am not saying i believe in what they do they just give you a option to have a christening without strings attached. Its not fare you are saying me having a naming ceremony for the baby is nonsense.
I can have it in my own home and if i want there could be no mention of God. This is an alternative to bringing up my child RC i hardly think at welcome to the world ceremony is giving into nonsense. I am not interested in you writing again saying it is nonsense have some respect for someone who is trying to do the right thing and find a happy compramise for all.

I think you have been put into a very difficult decision, Flower (one that I am all too sympathetic with as my baby will be born in March and I dread to think how much hassle my refusal to have a Christening is); I personally do not think I could have anything to do with any sort of church, but what is important is that you are comfortable with the arrangements. A small compromise that doesn't offend your beliefs and helps keep the peace with family is a very mature decision, I think.

Feardorcha, while I understand your perspective - I have already made the decision to not have my child christened under any circumstances, and I would be disappointed in myself if I "gave in" - but I think your comment was rather unfair. It's not "nonsense" when you're risking a child being at the centre of a family rift that they cannot possibly understand until they are much older and have already suffered for it.

+1. Good luck with your decision Flower. These issues can be very difficult, particularly when in-laws are involved. You're not only dealing with your beliefs, but with the stability within your wider family and the well being of your child. It must be even harder not having your own family close at hand to help out. I respect your decision.

I didn't have my children baptised at all. We got some questions over it from family, but no pressure and it's no longer an issue. They won't be making their communion, but the eldest is in 1st class now and so far we haven't officially 'opted him out' because it would be a completely symbolic gesture, given that there’s nowhere for him to go during religion class and it permeates the entire day anyway. We have spoken to his teacher each year to explain our position and it has been fine. So far after 2 and a bit years of religion class, he has absolutely no concept of god or jesus or any of it, so we’ve been lucky with the teachers he has had. If I officially opted him out, it would make no difference to his learning about religion as he’d have to sit through it anyway and he’d be singled out and different in the eyes of the other kids. I don’t think that fair on him, given that it would make no positive difference to his time in school.

I know there are some here who disagree with my decision not to officially opt him out, but like you, I’m not just considering my beliefs, I’m taking the situation as a whole and have reached my decision based on what I think is best for my child. We’re taking things as they come.