I think you have been put into a very difficult decision, Flower (one that I am all too sympathetic with as my baby will be born in March and I dread to think how much hassle my refusal to have a Christening is); I personally do not think I could have anything to do with any sort of church, but what is important is that you are comfortable with the arrangements. A small compromise that doesn't offend your beliefs and helps keep the peace with family is a very mature decision, I think.
Feardorcha, while I understand your perspective - I have already made the decision to not have my child christened under any circumstances, and I would be disappointed in myself if I "gave in" - but I think your comment was rather unfair. It's not "nonsense" when you're risking a child being at the centre of a family rift that they cannot possibly understand until they are much older and have already suffered for it.
+1. Good luck with your decision Flower. These issues can be very difficult, particularly when in-laws are involved. You're not only dealing with your beliefs, but with the stability within your wider family and the well being of your child. It must be even harder not having your own family close at hand to help out. I respect your decision.
I didn't have my children baptised at all. We got some questions over it from family, but no pressure and it's no longer an issue. They won't be making their communion, but the eldest is in 1st class now and so far we haven't officially 'opted him out' because it would be a completely symbolic gesture, given that there’s nowhere for him to go during religion class and it permeates the entire day anyway. We have spoken to his teacher each year to explain our position and it has been fine. So far after 2 and a bit years of religion class, he has absolutely no concept of god or jesus or any of it, so we’ve been lucky with the teachers he has had. If I officially opted him out, it would make no difference to his learning about religion as he’d have to sit through it anyway and he’d be singled out and different in the eyes of the other kids. I don’t think that fair on him, given that it would make no positive difference to his time in school.
I know there are some here who disagree with my decision not to officially opt him out, but like you, I’m not just considering my beliefs, I’m taking the situation as a whole and have reached my decision based on what I think is best for my child. We’re taking things as they come.