Would you get married in a church?

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Would you get married in a place of worship?

Yes, why not.
14
26%
No, it seems hypocritical
39
74%
 
Total votes: 53
Seachmall
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Would you get married in a church?

Post by Seachmall » Fri Sep 12, 2008 7:34 pm

If you fell in love with a theist (and I'm sure many of you have) would you get married in their place of worship assuming that their place of worship allowed you too*? Would you think it to be hypocritical or merely a way of pleasing your spouse much like a vegetarian picking up a big-mac for their spouse? Would you raise your children as theist or atheist? (You may have to pick one of the two because if you allow them to choose themselves they will probably come out theist with school and society 'pushing' it on them.) Would you raise them theist or atheist to a certain age and then explain the concepts of both sides and then allow them to choose?

*As far as I'm aware you can get married in the Roman Catholic Church as long as one of the two are Catholic and you agree to raise your children as Catholics. This could be wrong but for the sake of argument lets assume its correct.

Sorry if this has been posted before :roll:
Wened
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Re: Would you get married in a church?

Post by Wened » Sat Sep 13, 2008 8:40 pm

Seachmall wrote:If you fell in love with a theist (and I'm sure many of you have) would you get married in their place of worship assuming that their place of worship allowed you too*? Would you think it to be hypocritical or merely a way of pleasing your spouse much like a vegetarian picking up a big-mac for their spouse? Would you raise your children as theist or atheist? (You may have to pick one of the two because if you allow them to choose themselves they will probably come out theist with school and society 'pushing' it on them.) Would you raise them theist or atheist to a certain age and then explain the concepts of both sides and then allow them to choose?

*As far as I'm aware you can get married in the Roman Catholic Church as long as one of the two are Catholic and you agree to raise your children as Catholics. This could be wrong but for the sake of argument lets assume its correct.

Sorry if this has been posted before :roll:
You forgot about the most important option. "it's hipocritical but i would do it anyway"
"They can keep their heaven. When I die, I’d sooner go to middle Earth." - George RR Martin
Seachmall
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Re: Would you get married in a church?

Post by Seachmall » Sun Sep 14, 2008 11:16 am

I'm suprised tht people are saying no, I would.

If I were to fall in love with a follower of the infamous flying spaghetti monster I would undoubtedly question the belief but if push came to shove I'd happily make that promise to the monster that we'd stick together forever.

From what I can see its the equivelent (from an atheist perspective) to making a promise to Ronald McDonald in McDonalds and therefor not a problem. I wouldn't look at it being hypocritical but more a sign of respect for my spouse and her beliefs.
Wened wrote:You forgot about the most important option. "it's hipocritical but i would do it anyway"
True :lol:
FXR
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Post by FXR » Sun Sep 14, 2008 12:43 pm

Lots of people do go along with it. I'm sure it's as much for the sake of peace as anything else, but it does have implications. If you compromise on the wedding what else are you going to have to compromise on in the future? Besides why get married at all?
Human communication is a very rickety rope bridge between minds. Its too narrow to allow but a few thoughts to cross at a time. Many are lost in the chasms of noise, suspicion, misinterpretation and shooting the message through dislike of the messenger.
Seachmall
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Post by Seachmall » Sun Sep 14, 2008 1:33 pm

FXR wrote:If you compromise on the wedding what else are you going to have to compromise on in the future?
True but isn't marriage one big comprimise? We all have to make comprimises to get along with eachother. Plus, surely doing something that doesn't comprimise your lack-of-belief is better then not doing it and comprimising your spouses beliefs.
Besides why get married at all?
Its what your spouse wants.
FXR
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Post by FXR » Sun Sep 14, 2008 2:23 pm

Seachmall wrote: True but isn't marriage one big comprimise? We all have to make comprimises to get along with eachother. Plus, surely doing something that doesn't comprimise your lack-of-belief is better then not doing it and comprimising your spouses beliefs.
Yes it's one big series of compromises. I'd seriously question going down that road at all in the first place. You’ve compromised your lack of belief as soon as you step into the church. It’s not as if there were two equally recognised ceremonies in the same day; say a Humanist one and a Catlick one.

Life should be about compromising your own principles as little as is humanely possible. Getting married in Ireland gets you into a situation that is not going to be easy to get out of if it doesn’t turn into the fairytale that Hallmark cards would have you believe. And the chances are that it wont be a fairytale. Rather you've just sunk most of your future earnings into a very expensive enterprise and set up the conditions for almost all your future free time and are locked into a very tight circle of friends and in laws.

I'm getting the feeling you’re getting married.

Besides why get married at all?
Seachmall wrote:Its what your spouse wants.
The fact that someone else wants’ you to do something would seem to me to be the last reason in the world to do anything.
These situations generally speaking seem to involve the triumph of the person with the least though out position. Coming to the conclusion that religionism is the bunk that it is takes some considerable thinking only to be compromised by someone else who follows the well worn tracks of the herd to the altar. It may well be, (and I've seen this in action) that you may have to spend the majority of the next few decades keeping stum on all sorts of issues just to make the compromise work. It's not going to stop on the day of the wedding you know.
Human communication is a very rickety rope bridge between minds. Its too narrow to allow but a few thoughts to cross at a time. Many are lost in the chasms of noise, suspicion, misinterpretation and shooting the message through dislike of the messenger.
Seachmall
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Joined:Fri Sep 12, 2008 6:47 pm

Post by Seachmall » Sun Sep 14, 2008 2:44 pm

Yes it's one big series of compromises. I'd seriously question going down that road at all in the first place. You’ve compromised your lack of belief as soon as you step into the church.
But do you, is it a comprimise of your lack of beliefs or an acknowledgment and acceptence of your spouses beliefs? I make the comparison again of a vegetarion buying a big mac for their spouse.
Getting married in Ireland gets you into a situation that is not going to be easy to get out of if it doesn’t turn into the fairytale that Hallmark cards would have you believe.
What situation? Being married doesn't label you as a Christian it merely labels you as married, even the church are willing to accept you don't believe.
...almost all your future free time are locked into a very tight circle of friends and in laws.
How so?
I'm getting the feeling you’re getting married.
Don't worry, I'm not :D

Besides why get married at all?
Seachmall wrote:Its what your spouse wants.
The fact that someone else wants’ you to do something would seem to me to be the last reason in the world to do anything.
These situations generally speaking seem to involve the triumph of the person with the least though out position. Coming to the conclusion that religionism is the bunk that it is takes some considerable thinking only to be compromised by someone else who follows the well worn tracks of the herd to the altar. It may well be, (and I've seen this in action) that you may have to spend the majority of the next few decades keeping stum on all sorts of issues just to make the compromise work. It's not going to stop on the day of the wedding you know.
Well if your spouse wants to marry because in her eyes its important and symbolic of your love, the marriage liscence will be signed either way be it in a registry office or church because ye both want to be married but shes a traditionalist and wants it noted in the eyes of god.

Is the refusal to go to the church a thing of principles or a thing of pride? Do you not want to comprimise your lack of belief or are you making a statement, or both?
FXR
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Post by FXR » Sun Sep 14, 2008 3:06 pm

Seachmall wrote: But do you, is it a comprimise of your lack of beliefs or an acknowledgment and acceptence of your spouses beliefs? I make the comparison again of a vegetarion buying a big mac for their spouse.
Like I said why compromise to begin with. One meal does'nt make a relationship.
FXR wrote:...almost all your future free time are locked into a very tight circle of friends and in laws.
Seachmall wrote: How so?
Look around. Married couples tend to hang around with...married couples. A visit to one set of in-laws is usually countered by a visit to the other set of in laws. You wouldn't be married too long if you wanted to continue spending you holidays with your single mates and not with your spouse would' ya. But that's what you sign up for after all...

FXR wrote:I'm getting the feeling you’re getting married.
Seachmall wrote:Don't worry, I'm not :D
I'm so relieved I though you were off down the aisle :lol:

Seachmall wrote: Well if your spouse wants to marry because in her eyes its important and symbolic of your love, the marriage liscence will be signed either way be it in a registry office or church because ye both want to be married but shes a traditionalist and wants it noted in the eyes of god.
I think it would be better if there were at least two equally long and involved ceremonies. That would at least bring some balance to the proceedings. As it is no matter what happens in the little side room the guests consider the Church wedding to be the marriage ceremony.
Seachmall wrote:Is the refusal to go to the church a thing of principles or a thing of pride? Do you not want to comprimise your lack of belief or are you making a statement, or both?
It should be a matter of principle but I'm sure when it does happen the reasons are varied.
Human communication is a very rickety rope bridge between minds. Its too narrow to allow but a few thoughts to cross at a time. Many are lost in the chasms of noise, suspicion, misinterpretation and shooting the message through dislike of the messenger.
Seachmall
Posts:8
Joined:Fri Sep 12, 2008 6:47 pm

Post by Seachmall » Sun Sep 14, 2008 3:20 pm

FXR wrote:Look around. Married couples tend to hang around with...married couples. A visit to one set of in-laws is usually countered by a visit to the other set of in laws. You wouldn't be married too long if you wanted to continue spending you holidays with your single mates and not with your spouse would' ya. But that's what you sign up for after all...
But that'll happen whether you get married in a registry office, church or a pineapple under the sea.
FXR wrote:I'm getting the feeling you’re getting married.
Seachmall wrote:Don't worry, I'm not :D
I'm so relieved I though you were off down the aisle :lol:
Thanks for the concern :D
It should be a matter of principle but I'm sure when it does happen the reasons are varied.
True.

I think you have clarified the questions I had on the subject however if anyone else wants to voice their opinion on the subject feel free to do so :D
Ygern
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Post by Ygern » Mon Sep 15, 2008 9:19 am

I would prefer not to darken the doors of any church / cathedral / mosque or temple.

One of the things that fascinates me when talking about this sort of issue with friends who Believe, is their assumption that because I don't believe, it can't possibly matter to me if I have to participate in a Christian ceremony.

That's just a complete non sequitur to me.

I actually doubt that I could have a relationship with someone who felt their religion was very important to them.
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